I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
