The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
