I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
