Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
