If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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