i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Small penises have feelings too.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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