Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
