The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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