My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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