the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
