we're chasing vodka with high fives
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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