I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
