remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I will pee on everything he values.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
