Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
