benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
