Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
