So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
