If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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