idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
