I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just threw up on my dentist
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
