A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
