if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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