just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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