Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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