so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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