I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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