I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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