I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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