One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
