A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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