it wasn't lemon gatorade
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
