no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
