i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
