I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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