I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
