So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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