how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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