i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
how drunk are you?
Several
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
