He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
