When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
