There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
