every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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