You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
