she woke up with a sticky ear
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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