Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
