Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
