Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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