Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
