just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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