Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
