I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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