I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
