I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize