i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
