I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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