That's intense
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
