I'm drive I can fine osifer
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
