All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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