Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
